Apologetic tears

There are so many things lost deep within my own insecurities
it could be the very reason why I worry so much and sometimes
think so little
it's just that you brought to a simple place of reality
where it is okay to be happy, I am not used to feeling like this
I've hindered so much for so long
afraid of being hurt, being yelled at, being screamed at with voices of
hatred, anger and jealousy.
so much has happened to me, I've realized that I've slowly diminished
as a person, as a friend, as a daughter,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry, it's all I can seem to utter,
shaking and crying, I never knew so much damage could
happen in so little of a period of time.
it ruined me. Now I'm unsure of things, unsure of how to be
what should I say, what should I do, it's simplistic mannerisms
that now are actions of few.

Sappy love poem

Here I am again, standing in front of you
with no words to spoken, just an open heart in eyes view
tongue tied and sweaty palms-my mind seems to be wandering
I don't know why but knowing the right thing to say never was my thing

although every day you are my reason to smile,
the picture in my mind that makes things worth while,
it's still hard to bring those feelings to the table,
my mind can't seem to connect although my heart is able

the colors that have faded from my delicate lipstick roses
images of your face disappear as my eyelids close
it was a rough journey of pain and disorder that finally brought me back
back to where and with who I was always destined to be with, and that's a fact

I love you though, it's true more than words and pictures and kisses can show
I know I'm not the best at letting you know
I just wanted you to know that every day my love does grow
deeper than any ocean and wider than any open field

I'm too cynical for popularity
actions of singularity is more of a regularity
look past the obscurities
deeper within ones own liabilities
tried so hard to realize
what's important, try to prioritize
who's who, what's what
not easy to categorize
still even to this day I'm
ashamed to admit at my own dismay
I never have been able to display
the emotions, the characteristics portrayed...

Conflicted and jealous

Confused about your own life, let's go ahead and attack mine.
Let us look at the faults the flaws,
the problems I have residing within my own being.
Come join me at laughing, in being part of this comical charade
of how I try to be so graceful with my words,
so careful with my charismatics...
something that you will never understand.
The lively hood of my quest depends on the strength that I have when it comes to rejection.
So far I think I have passed it with flying colors,
this is not a CD that I have produced in a over priced studio,
singing words that someone else wrote for me to sing.
I've written, I've cried, and worked hard with everything
I have uttered from my chapped lips.
Pushing these feelings out through the keys,
mirroring the way that I feel with adjectives, verbs, and nouns,
yet another thing your simple mind could not comprehend.

Swing dance

Was I being selfish
only thinking of me
wanting nothing more
only to be happy
I gave up everything I knew
only for someone new
only hate is what I grew
between the glass I was thrown through

Push me swing me
I want to go outside
No I don't want to
I'm tired
Does anyone know what that means?

I've felt lonely for so long
barricaded inside where I was forced to belong
my weak arms were once strong
tell me, where did i go wrong?

Push me swing me
I want to go outside
No I don't want to
I'm tired
Do you know what that means?

Free from my jailhouse rock
ran away from the monstrous clock
no more restless nights of mental block
this life is worth more than I thought

push me swing me
yes push me higher
now that I can breathe
I am no longer tired
Does anyone know how that feels?

I know now how that feels
I know now
I know...

Faith No More

If there could be something to erase something to replace
the annoyance of a rapid racing pacing mind-
begging the question to rewind
take a step back in time
to search for a new place to find

stressed out frantic minds
slowly start to become blind
shut out from all existing memories
vague and indescribable mental pictures
cut and pasted to a new definition

copy righted and plagiarism- a new found faith
raped from a singing virgin
no one can see the pain in her eyes
drowned out from those in the choir
no one can hear her girlish cries

Bleeding gums- mumbled out lyrics
words of god, love, and salvation
words of the holy creation
not the truth of human deviation
or the mass murders killing our population

I've tried my hardest to listen to the songs
understand why so many have decided
to memorize these encrypted theories
the desire to belong
so few can actually decipher the truth
although they've taken a vow
most still are liars at heart
I realize still to this day I still stand apart.

cloned like a test tube baby
they do not know any better
only to follow in the foot steps of their leaders
born into conformity unwilling, unknowing,
only to become a mindless spineless form of controlled matter
pushed by faith, motivated by prayer, spoken for by God.

We'll sing another song

even though the world is still dying
she still resumes her crying
as the others are still trying
trying to convince me of change
to tell me my thoughts should be rearranged

to be molded into a jelly like figure
but my stubborn will remains to detour.