well it would take years to find me...since i have been hiding in this shelter of gold.
sparkling cider sipping it slow, looking past these walls i cannot fathom for they're all i know.
today i woke up from a dream. a dream of white clouds and familiar things. images from my past, a smile on his face, and two hot chocolates waiting for you to drink
i laughed and said, "what a fine day it is!" and you smiled back as your only reply.
i just wanted to hold onto that simplistic moment of time, so real yet a fantasy of my mind.
lost in my own thoughts, only in my sleep i would remember...you
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
30 day notice
i am lost. lost in between what is real and unreal.
the soft color of clarity is unseen to my yellow green eyes.
i am so scared. scared of what is coming or not coming, the fear is what is unknown.
all i want is to finally see the unspoken truth in the shades of black and white that it is.
so what is it going to be? a life of living in uncertainty?
guessing day by day, will everything be okay?
will all the tears fall away? far away?
why can't everything just go back to the way it used to be?
1/26/06
the soft color of clarity is unseen to my yellow green eyes.
i am so scared. scared of what is coming or not coming, the fear is what is unknown.
all i want is to finally see the unspoken truth in the shades of black and white that it is.
so what is it going to be? a life of living in uncertainty?
guessing day by day, will everything be okay?
will all the tears fall away? far away?
why can't everything just go back to the way it used to be?
1/26/06
yesterday's lost and so am I
I remember yesterday, it was so beautiful. So simple and complete. I used to smile for any and every unknown reason.
Now it's all just faded away, slowly slipping away. Because tomorrow doesn't look so bright. The sun is shinning but my room's walls are still dark. The thought of getting up makes no sense, and the thought of losing you is in the same category.
I used to think that everything was perfect. I was happy and you were always laughing with me. I used to think that it would always be about us, always and forever just you and me.
Now here I am looking at my own reflection, wondering where did I go wrong? My tears are blackening my face with the help of my mascara as the dark culprit.
Thinking of the lost memories, the days, the nights we shared. Was it worth anything to you? Your heart, your mind, did anything register? I'm confused, mimicking your character's stance. I'm fearful of tomorrow, the next day, the day after that....I'm afraid to let anyone else in...for the fear of another DISCONNECTION is something my worn broken tattered heart cannot go on like this anymore.
2/04/06
Now it's all just faded away, slowly slipping away. Because tomorrow doesn't look so bright. The sun is shinning but my room's walls are still dark. The thought of getting up makes no sense, and the thought of losing you is in the same category.
I used to think that everything was perfect. I was happy and you were always laughing with me. I used to think that it would always be about us, always and forever just you and me.
Now here I am looking at my own reflection, wondering where did I go wrong? My tears are blackening my face with the help of my mascara as the dark culprit.
Thinking of the lost memories, the days, the nights we shared. Was it worth anything to you? Your heart, your mind, did anything register? I'm confused, mimicking your character's stance. I'm fearful of tomorrow, the next day, the day after that....I'm afraid to let anyone else in...for the fear of another DISCONNECTION is something my worn broken tattered heart cannot go on like this anymore.
2/04/06
magically delicious
I was awakened by the beauty in the world today,
I fell in love with how the sun danced amongst the sepia tones of the earth.
I was amused with how the clouds tickled the blue sky, brushing by slowly, softly, gracefully....
As I smiled back at my picturesque portrait, a delicate rainbow smiled back at me and then quickly disappeared back into the heavens.
As I'm driving, watching the sun transform its stance within the world- I find myself so grateful that I am lucky enough to be apart of the magnificence of life.
Feb 19th 2006
I fell in love with how the sun danced amongst the sepia tones of the earth.
I was amused with how the clouds tickled the blue sky, brushing by slowly, softly, gracefully....
As I smiled back at my picturesque portrait, a delicate rainbow smiled back at me and then quickly disappeared back into the heavens.
As I'm driving, watching the sun transform its stance within the world- I find myself so grateful that I am lucky enough to be apart of the magnificence of life.
Feb 19th 2006
Sugar and cream
Good Morning....
It's Early Morning....the sun has risen and I need coffee.
I can smile like there's no tomorrow. Everything seems brighter now and I have laughter to thank for that. I had a dream that didn't make sense, but it's okay because they seldom do.
I was just happy that I talked to you, that I got to say Hello one more time.
It's a new day, a new sun shining, and it's creating a soft color amongst the sky. It's beautiful to think of what there is to do today, on the way home it was raining. The song of the rain played loudly.
I could sing to the rhythm if I tried hard enough....however I think I'll just enjoy the view and smile once again.
March 6th, 2006
It's Early Morning....the sun has risen and I need coffee.
I can smile like there's no tomorrow. Everything seems brighter now and I have laughter to thank for that. I had a dream that didn't make sense, but it's okay because they seldom do.
I was just happy that I talked to you, that I got to say Hello one more time.
It's a new day, a new sun shining, and it's creating a soft color amongst the sky. It's beautiful to think of what there is to do today, on the way home it was raining. The song of the rain played loudly.
I could sing to the rhythm if I tried hard enough....however I think I'll just enjoy the view and smile once again.
March 6th, 2006
Chalk lines
oh this is new. a feeling of unknown---you're impressive on a level I've never seen.
It's going to take awhile to sink in though---oh oh oh
I am happy though...and I don't want it to go away.
Just take a walk with me
Hold my hand again, let me know you care
I asked the man in the moon last night, if this is the right thing to do, he seems to agree with me
Oh this is unreal, something scripted with lines
I'm drawing in the middle of the circle-
with chalk filled hearts and stars
A walking motion picture, staring at your eyes of glitter....
I'll smile with one thought of my new start...
oh but it will take some time to sink in I'm sure
Sometimes....I know....OH OH OH....yeah
----March 16th, 2006----
It's going to take awhile to sink in though---oh oh oh
I am happy though...and I don't want it to go away.
Just take a walk with me
Hold my hand again, let me know you care
I asked the man in the moon last night, if this is the right thing to do, he seems to agree with me
Oh this is unreal, something scripted with lines
I'm drawing in the middle of the circle-
with chalk filled hearts and stars
A walking motion picture, staring at your eyes of glitter....
I'll smile with one thought of my new start...
oh but it will take some time to sink in I'm sure
Sometimes....I know....OH OH OH....yeah
----March 16th, 2006----
new day
oh i didn't see this coming along
i wasn't looking for this yesterday
but now that you're sitting here---sitting, smiling here
it's just one of those moments where I find myself asking---
Oh where were you yesterday? If I met you sooner I would have loved you yesterday.
But now I am standing here just looking forward to tomorrow, you're the one that I have met that's changed the way my heart looks at the day.
----April 3rd, 06-----
i wasn't looking for this yesterday
but now that you're sitting here---sitting, smiling here
it's just one of those moments where I find myself asking---
Oh where were you yesterday? If I met you sooner I would have loved you yesterday.
But now I am standing here just looking forward to tomorrow, you're the one that I have met that's changed the way my heart looks at the day.
----April 3rd, 06-----
looking glass looking pass
time has been the only thing consistent in my life-
the passing of days and the ticking of clocks
looking back now i see a reflection of who i used to be
the image is smashed amongst a thousand different mirrors
the shards of glass only show a once known girl
someone who i miss every now and then
the blue room is changing colors
faded out by the train's distant whistle
falling leaves and faded blooms only time will tell
one simply assumes
there is nothing left in this jar of pain staking jelly
sweet sticky remains of seedless strawberries
picked with love and savored with every bite
my knife scrapes against the glass
searching for something more
looking past the stranger at my door---
out to a window of fresh air
only to inhale a deep breath of clarity (sigh*Ah! Air!)
the passing of days and the ticking of clocks
looking back now i see a reflection of who i used to be
the image is smashed amongst a thousand different mirrors
the shards of glass only show a once known girl
someone who i miss every now and then
the blue room is changing colors
faded out by the train's distant whistle
falling leaves and faded blooms only time will tell
one simply assumes
there is nothing left in this jar of pain staking jelly
sweet sticky remains of seedless strawberries
picked with love and savored with every bite
my knife scrapes against the glass
searching for something more
looking past the stranger at my door---
out to a window of fresh air
only to inhale a deep breath of clarity (sigh*Ah! Air!)
Friday, June 02, 2006
surf a new wave
I was waiting for the red light ahead to turn into green
when looking around my car windows I am surrounded by
oversized disels. one standing out in each window
feeling trapped inside a white box I looked out at the sky....
I'm hungry and I have a diet pepsi sitting in my lap...
sipping bubbles through a straw, if only everything could be so simple.
it's hot and dry out side, the leaves occasionally move with the help of a slight breeze.
when looking around my car windows I am surrounded by
oversized disels. one standing out in each window
feeling trapped inside a white box I looked out at the sky....
I'm hungry and I have a diet pepsi sitting in my lap...
sipping bubbles through a straw, if only everything could be so simple.
it's hot and dry out side, the leaves occasionally move with the help of a slight breeze.
Friday, March 17, 2006
dusty cardboard
Today was just another day, filled with postcards and memories
Distant visions of the past, only to remember you by that Kodak smile
I put them all in a box and left it in the back of my car.
There's so much of my new life that's still so unorganized
Driving under the vast bridge, looking into the sky that's slowly sinking
Changing from day to night, blues to reds and yellows, and soon to be black.
I sigh again and tell myself not to go back.
There's nothing left for me---I chose to leave it there when I turned in the key.
I said good bye, I told myself I wouldn't cry.
A new beginning, a new life for sale.
The old one I've retired, the old one I've allowed it to die.
Rest in peace, it will remain a memory, another thing to add to the box
Distant visions of the past, only to remember you by that Kodak smile
I put them all in a box and left it in the back of my car.
There's so much of my new life that's still so unorganized
Driving under the vast bridge, looking into the sky that's slowly sinking
Changing from day to night, blues to reds and yellows, and soon to be black.
I sigh again and tell myself not to go back.
There's nothing left for me---I chose to leave it there when I turned in the key.
I said good bye, I told myself I wouldn't cry.
A new beginning, a new life for sale.
The old one I've retired, the old one I've allowed it to die.
Rest in peace, it will remain a memory, another thing to add to the box
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
in denial
I can't believe this! I can't believe that you're telling me this again!
It's another day of your non enthusiasm, and it's ripping me apart.
I should have expected this- history repeats itself.
I should have known from the start.
I should have known that you would easily break my heart.
I should have predicted you would walk away and out that door, without even a glance back in my direction.
I should have known that, you would lie to me.
That you would deny me, the feelings you know you have for me.
There's no explanation for the pain you've caused, for all of us.
I should have protected myself with a shield of armor...reflecting the pains of amor...
I don't want to believe this, I don't want to live through this YET AGAIN.
I am tired of leaving my place of residency because of a broken heart...broken dreams, broken lease...broken things...
It's another day of your non enthusiasm, and it's ripping me apart.
I should have expected this- history repeats itself.
I should have known from the start.
I should have known that you would easily break my heart.
I should have predicted you would walk away and out that door, without even a glance back in my direction.
I should have known that, you would lie to me.
That you would deny me, the feelings you know you have for me.
There's no explanation for the pain you've caused, for all of us.
I should have protected myself with a shield of armor...reflecting the pains of amor...
I don't want to believe this, I don't want to live through this YET AGAIN.
I am tired of leaving my place of residency because of a broken heart...broken dreams, broken lease...broken things...
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