hangin by a thread

i guess what we have is what we said:
no strings attached
yet one is around my heart
and it's painfully red

no relationships, no falling in too deep
it's not so easy when i'm losing sleep

i'm on the brink of sighing
when i think of you; i tingle inside
i get flushed with passion
every time you walk by

nothing serious, no real "dates"
tell that to my heart, it's already too late

i wish you would change your mind
would you if you thought it was worth it
to take a chance on me~
on my kind?

over kill-joy

when i think about what i want and where i want to go
the dark night falls upon the hollow moon
the tears fall heavily and i feel lost inside
and i haven't even left home

these days i don't want to do anything
it seems i am consumed with worry
the rain gets louder and
i feel it's my cue to cry harder

sad sobs and broken heart
i pack the last box of memories
everything and everyone i once knew
i will leave far far behind

november 22 11:43 am

Deadly Desire

This lust burns like a fire- it's quick and deadly.
My heart is singed around the edges and
I continue to gasp for air as you walk on by.

The smoke from the flames clear and
what's left is the charred memory,
of the fire that burns deep inside.

I want you; your skin is my addiction.
The touch of you heals my pain.
The calling of my name soothes
this red wrath of hurt.

Fix this broken heart of mine,
show me what is good again,
bring me back from hell and
show me the taste of sin.

i'm torn from the inside out
trying to figure you out...
what is this game we are playing
what are the rules saying?

are there even any to go by-
or is it all a fucking lie?
make them up as the days go on
i hate myself for being wrong

addictive tendencies

i'm drawn to the touch of your skin
the softness of it pulls me in
like a magnet-

this temptation lures me to sin
pulling me closer to this addiction
of you-

i can drown myself as i drink you in
wonder when will i see you again
sometime soon?

time passes and withdrawals kick in
feelings grow and seem to deepen
if only you knew-

discontent disposition

this sunny disposition has faded away
i'm staring at the sky and sigh heavily
what should i do now? now that i'm all alone
thought i was going on strong,
but i'm weaker than i thought
i hold my tears back and shut my eyes
tight as can be, i just want this
to already be in the past

it's cold outside and as the rain falls
there are still so many things
i would like to say to you,
i ran away from the problems we shared
i gave up without a second thought
i was selfish and i didn't think of anything else
just me me me

i fill my days with whatever i can
just to forget the thoughts i once had
the thoughts that were once filled
with you you you

and now it's late in the day,
i'm holding onto whatever i can
just to get through as the clock continues
to push the minutes farther into the future

holding on vs. letting go

painful memories of you leech into my brain
holding back tears i'm reluctant to let sorrow to drain

soon enough i realize there may have been a mistake
this haunting reminder makes my heart ache

if only i could choose what makes me whole
this break up is definitely taking its toll

icicle sorrows

i wish i could erase it all
each and every memory
push a button and say goodbye
i'm tired of trying not to cry

this hole left in my heart
in my soul
aches from those thoughts of you
it's suffocating and i don't know what to do

i'm an empty hollow mess
stark white and lifeless
nothing left but a saddened shell
i've created my own personal hell

i hold my breath each sound of your name
my heart sinks
it chills me to the core
i'm frozen inside and i can't take anymore

there was a deadline that wasn't met
i promised my love i didn't forget
you changed my heart, my mind
i'm sorry i won't love you til the end of time

i built this wall bigger than the last
fuck the future i'm living in the past

joy ride

i love how i can look into your eyes
and view your soul

my heart beats back
in response
in rhythm
in sync

i know how you feel
a reflection of emotion
peers back at me

this is a new feeling
and i hope it doesn't fade

clearly i am focused

serious as a heart attack
i will focus without becoming blurry
zoom in closer on my heart

before you snap the shutter
i think it skipped a beat
the silent sound of it flutters
as you look into my eyes

flash forward and capture
the future that is ahead
bright and shiny white light

closed eyes in a frame
easy to delete easy to erase
as i make new memories
far away from that place

the battery slowly dies
turns red within each second
as time ticks on so does the last shot

turbulence

crushed by the weight that holds me down
compressed with this suffocation what will i do?
there is no way out and it's time for the survival of the fittest
i hold my breath and pray for strength to get through the toughest times
as the plane rocks and sways i awake and worry about the ride
i am cramped, smashed and taken advantage of,
i think about the size of my heart and the dwindling patience that i boarded with,
the view from outside changes ever so slightly
and my eyes burn from the view.

empty cemetary

the internal chaos inside the chamber walls
haunted by the ghostly fear as it calls
me into the night
open eyes full of sight

unleash the beast
that pulls me to the grave
feeding the urge for silence
the urge i always crave

now blinded by the moon
filled with sorrow and gloom
i walk in a zombie like trance
walking further from my last chance

Escape

Let's just call it what it is
passing time on a clock
reaching for my heart
until the beating has stopped

slowly drained my pulse weakens
once boiled blood now cold to the touch
bounded strings try to strengthen
i never thought it would hurt so much

the mess left inside
buried deep ready to hide
from this pain,
from this world,
from you...

foggy windows

fog covered streets, driving through this ghost town
the rear view mirror haunts me, but i ain't ever lookin back

this self inflicted addiction keeps draggin me down
but i like to forget and i like to smile

i'll sober up in the morning when i need to function
wear a mask of perfection and lie to my reflection

tortured by the wrongs i've done, the the past is a joke
here i'm stuck within these walls, nothing ever feels good

it's black with regret- corpse like and decayed-
this heart of mine-

those memories try to keep up but i ain't lookin back
this road is dark enough, and i can't see clearly

handle with care

handle with care so the label read
stretch out my limbs to hold the frame
shaking tendons weight that i dread
unwanted source of blame

fragments of glass fall below
slipping between my grasp
cut beneath my painful sorrow
how long will this bleeding last?